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Imparted Wisdom Blog

Personal Growth and Development

?Can being insecure ruin a relationship?

April 12, 2021 /By: Erin Mixon

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Not too long ago, I was dating a man that I was really excited about.

He had all the qualities that I looked for in a man and the potential of a relationship seemed very promising.

It was a passionate love affair that started off hot and heavy…but that disappointingly fizzled out just as quickly as it began.

After things fell apart, I began to ponder what went wrong…because I really liked him and thought he and I could be be great together.

After some much needed time to reflect inwardly, I began to see why the connection didn’t last.

My reflective conclusion simply was that….we were not an energetic match.

Energetically we were on two different pages because of how I felt about myself.

Can Being Insecure Ruin a Relationship?

The short answer is yes…

But let’s delve into why…

Spiritual Law

When it comes to the laws of spirituality…like attracts like.  In order for you to manifest a thing, you must be energetically aligned with that thing.  Your frequency needs to match.

When you are an energetic match with a particular thing or person you notice that things come together and mesh very well.

But on the other hand…

When you’re not a vibrational match…

You find that there is a lot of resistance and things tend to fall apart.


As it relates to myself and this man, I have to be honest and say that our vibrational frequencies were not aligned.

While he is everything that I wanted in a man, I was not aligned with all of the qualities that I wanted in him.

In other words, I didn’t necessarily possess all the qualities I sought in him.


The Situation

As I stated earlier, the interaction between he and I was going great.   There was great chemistry and we were really taking the time to get to know each  other.  We would often go out and enjoy each other’s company.  We had many in-depth conversations finding out our likes and dislikes,  different values, goals, and plans for the future….

But after a while, things began to take a turn…

Our daily long, in-depth  phone conversations turned into brief check-ins once or twice a week.

Before I realized it, we were barely seeing each other…

Long story short…things ended.

He offered no real explanation for why he seemingly just went from hot to cold overnight.

In the weeks after, I had a lot of time to reflect on what went wrong.

Here is what I realized in the weeks after…


A man and a woman with arms crossed feeling insecure about their relationship.
Can being insecure ruin a relationship? Yes, but it doesn’t have to if you work on yourself first.

My Assessment

I had an idea in my mind of the type of man I wanted to be with.   I must admit…he had pretty much all of the qualities that I wanted.

Those qualities included the fact that he was good-natured, easy to talk to, handsome, in good shape, successful and confident.

In addition to these qualities, I loved the way he carried himself…

The way he dressed, the accessories he wore, as well as the way his cologne smelled on him.

To sum it up…he was just a very well put together man.

And while he was everything I felt I wanted and needed, when it was all said and done, I’m not  100% sure I was truly ready for him.

All of a sudden, I began feeling insecure about the relationship.

While I had done a great deal of work on myself in recent years, there were still some things that I needed to work on in terms of confidence.

I had come a long way in terms of physical fitness, but I still had more work that I wanted to do in that area…and still had some insecurities regarding that.

And even though I had been doing work and making strides to level up on stepping up my fashion, hair, clothes and make-up game…I still had insecurities in this area as well.

Ultimately, I believe it was these insecurities that sabotaged the union we had established.


The Final Analysis

Well my final analysis is simply that we were not a vibrational match.  But I want to be clear as to the reason why.  When I really think about it…I think a lot has to do with perception.

It really wasn’t about my fitness level, fashion sense, or any other external characteristics, technically, that caused us not to be a vibrational match.  It was much more about how I viewed myself and my confidence within myself.  This is what caused the energetic dissonance.

To Sum It All Up

To sum it all up…

When you come to a relationship, you don’t have to be perfect or necessarily have it all together.  But, I would say you do need to have done some work on yourself and you should be putting your best foot forward.

And while I feel you don’t have to be exactly all the things you want in the other person, it helps to at least be working on those things…

Because otherwise you will likely run into confidence/ and or insecurity issues…which leads to being out of energetic alignment…or energetic dissonance.

This dissonance has more to do with your spirit internally than how you present on the outside (physically).

But we must remember that we are spirit beings having a human experience and that how we feel about our outside will begin to affect how we feel within.

The Way Forward

If you are starting to see these issues arise in your current relationship…take heart…all is not lost.

Just begin to step back, reflect, and analyze where you currently are.

Begin to take note of any confidence or insecurity issues you may be dealing with and then delve into where these issues may be stemming from.

And then just starting doing the necessary things to make you happier as it relates to that issue.

For instance, if you’re feeling insecure about your weight…join an exercise class.  Even if you don’t lose a single pound, you’ll gain confidence from taking the action alone.

You’ll tone up and start to look better in your clothes (even if you don’t lose weight) and you’ll get the benefit of those feel good endorphins that charge through your body when you exercise…so this will improve your mood, and most likely you’ll make new friends which will also help to improve your life and confidence!

And you can apply this example to any area of your life.  The key is feeling confident, secure, and happy within yourself.

So can being insecure ruin a relationship?

Yes, but it doesn’t have to if you first do the work to feel secure within yourself first.

Start first with the self work and self love…

And then everything else will fall into place!


Comment down below if you are ready to do the work!



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